Letter from the Founder

Hello Everyone,

Welcome to We Are Single Moms!  As stated in our introduction, single moms does not only apply to moms but anyone that has stepped into that role.  This blog clearly illustrates that their is really nothing new under that sun when it comes to the topic of single parenting.  Many have met the challenge and risen to the occasion as single parents.  The only difference now is that the resources are somewhat scattered as a result of the world wide web.

Here, our goal is to make you aware of what resources, studies and tips will forge you to a successful place as a single mom.  It has been said that, "no one rises to low expectations".  Let's set the bar high for ourselves and our children will definitely follow.  I heard someone say that your children will "hear a voice in their head", let it be "Your" voice.

We Are Single Moms will take many forms for many people.  As for me, We Are Single Moms is an affirmation of who I am and what I can do.  The possibilities here are limitless!  A friend of mine was brainstorming with me years ago and suggested that I do "something that you know".  What do I know more that being a single mom at this point.  It is a beautiful calling!  Although I am now up for the task, at one time - the last thing I wanted to be was a single mom.  I grow up in a single parent household and always thought things could be better with the other parent around.  Hindsight has taught me that many of my accomplishments were only achieved because of the many lessons that I learned under the direction of a single mom.

It is with great pleasure that we group and present resources that will help you and your family grow.  Our company, S.O.W. Network (Signature On the World) specializes in investing in people like you; people that make a world of difference!  Now is the time.  Now is your time.  Your time to place your signature on the world with erasable ink as we venture together since We Are Single Moms.

God Bless,
Tiffany Willis-Gilmore
Founder

Motivational Tips by the Bump

Motivational Tips for Single Moms

by Karen Hellesvig-Gaskell, Demand Media

Single moms always know best.

If you're a single mom raising a toddler, preschooler or both on your own, take heart. More than 20 million U.S. kids live with one parent, according to KidsHealth.org, a website published by the Nemours Foundation. Divorce is the main reason a woman typically finds herself assuming the role of single parent; death of a spouse also occurs from time to time, and some women simply choose to be single mothers from the start. Single parenthood is challenging, but it can also be empowering because you are, after all, the family CEO.

It Takes a Village

"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts." ~Eleanor Roosevelt. Most single mothers have plenty of resources and support at their fingertips -- although they must be willing to reach out and make a few inquiries. Close friends, family members and neighbors are often more than happy to help out in a number of ways, like watching your toddler in a pinch or driving your preschooler to dance class when you absolutely have to be somewhere else. If you want proof that you're not alone, join a support group like Parents without Partners. Some faith communities have singles groups. Such organizations give you a chance to talk about your feelings and hear stories from other single mothers that might make you realize life isn't so bad after all.

Mom: $10,000 Scholarship

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Work and Play

"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."~ Thomas Jefferson. Single moms generally have to work outside the home to help make ends meet. Getting a 9-to-5 job can be a major adjustment for moms who stayed at home during their marriage. Earning a paycheck can be a self-esteem booster for many single moms, even if it means juggling time to manage chaotic mornings and running the kids to daycare. Your Wonder Woman abilities are not going unnoticed; you serve as a positive role model and gain respect from your toddler or preschooler as he sees you make your mark on the world.

Act "As If"

"The most effective way to do it, is to do it." ~ Amelia Earhart. You wouldn't be human if you didn't wake up in a bad mood some mornings as thoughts of the day's "to do" list swirl around in your head. It's okay to be straight with your preschooler if you're having tough moment, but let her know that things always get better. It may sound like a cliche, but laughter truly can be the best medicine when you're feeling stressed out or overwhelmed. Try to focus on the things you have to be grateful for -- healthy children, good friends -- rather than what is lacking in your life. Be spontaneous and grab your kids and go out for ice cream and a trip to the park.

"Me" Time is a Must!

"Either you run the day or the day runs you." ~Jim Rohn. You don't have endless hours to spend at your favorite spa, but that doesn't mean you can't carve out some time a little self indulgence. Ask a friend or neighbor to watch your kids so you can go get a relaxing facial or a massage; you deserve a little pampering. Make time to nourish your close friendships. Try to set aside 30 minutes a day for exercise, even if it means splitting it into three, 10-minute, segments or two, 15-minute, sessions. A brisk walk can lift your spirits and help manage your weight. Speaking of weight, even though it's tempting to drive through a fast food place after a long day, eat nutritious meals as often as possible. Remember when there's a will, there's a way!

Study on Parent Involvement vs Student Motivation

A study on Parent Involvement vs Student Motivation can be found at
http://udini.proquest.com/view/an-investigation-of-the-pqid:2356316251/

Fitness Republic suggest How to Raise a Good Child

For more info on How to Raise a Good Child review
http://www.fitnessrepublic.com/motivation/how-to-raise-a-good-kid-as-a-single-parent.html

About.com Single Parents info on Child Support

Information regarding child support issues and much more can be found at http://singleparents.about.com/

Parents without Partners Resource list

Parents without Partners have established a resource list for single parents that can be found at:  http://www.pwphouston.org/05singleparentsites.htm

Gender Differences in Parenting (taken from the Today Show)

HE SAID: STEVEN RHOADS ON WOMEN AND PARENTING

Rhoads' parenting pet peeves: Fathers tend to think that mothers worry too much about the children. Guilty mothers always think they could be and thus should be doing more with their kids. And moms, since they are worriers and parent with more intensity, are taskmasters with husbands about what needs doing and how it should be done. They tend to make dad into an assistant mom. In two-career families, this makes dad less than half in the grand scheme of things — he is only half a provider and less than half a parent. Fathers have their own style, which has its own virtues. On the playground jungle gym, worrying moms are more likely to say, "Watch out! Don't go too high." Dads are more likely to say, "See how high you can get."

Fathers frequently feel neglected by their wives who they think put their relationship with the kids ahead of their relationship with their husbands. From the point of view of dads, moms — especially those with full-time careers — seem too tired and too consumed with the minutia of childcare and child development to be available for sex or much else with them.

Dads frequently think moms are too soft, for example, in comforting an older child who cries excessively when he falls down. But dads think this a larger problem as the kids get older and especially with teenage boys. It's hard for a mom, used to being a nurturer, to become a disciplinarian, especially with a surly teenager who is now taller and looms over them. Mothers, loaded with estrogen and oxytocin, tend to be peacemakers. When dads try to discipline sons, the mother can be tempted to try to be a mediator rather than support the father. This can infuriate her husband.

Differences in parenting:

Understanding sex differences can bring a ceasefire in the gender wars. Once we can see that our romantic partners are fundamentally different on the inside as well as out, we will be less likely to expect them to be like all our same-sex friends. Husbands, for example, will see that women in general — not just "their crazy wife" — like to talk about problems that have no solution, and wives will see that most husbands — not just theirs — don't care about the messes they leave in their wake and often don't see them.

Mothers are worriers. They are, for example, lighter sleepers when they have their baby in the house. Fathers are less likely to hear a cry at night and more likely to be annoyed than concerned by it if they do.

The differences in parenting intensity are greatest with infants and toddlers. Even in families where fathers take leave and express a desire to be the primary caretakers of their new infants, the traditional parenting differences emerge. For example, the mothers display affectionate behavior, vocalize, smile, tend, hold, discipline and soothe the infant more than the fathers do.

Mothers are world-class nurturers of infants and toddlers, and they like to do every part of the care more. This includes comforting, caring for the child when sick, buying food or toys, even changing diapers. Even women academics with egalitarian gender attitudes like all parts of care more than their husbands.

Infants and toddlers prefer moms to dads for every task as well. There is a big preference for moms to do the comforting, but an infant even likes to play more with mom, who is more attentive to all its utterances, eye signals and the like.

Two common arguments between mothers and fathers about how they should parent: Mothers and fathers quarrel when dad is not doing enough to help with the kids — both because moms need some time off and because moms think dads should spend more time with their children. But moms also quarrel when they have full-time jobs and do not get enough time with their children. In two-career families where parents try hard to share childcare equally, husbands often push for more paid care so that they have fewer hours during which they are obliged to care for children. Mothers get angry and insist that they do it themselves. Fathers and mothers in such families acknowledge that wives are more emotionally involved with the children and find it harder to concentrate on other tasks when away from them. All in all, since mothers want to spend more time with their children, equal time by mothers and fathers in parenting, on the one hand, and work, on the other, is unlikely to bring them equal happiness. 

Sometimes mothers worry that by rough-housing and play-fighting dads may be over-stimulating their boys and making them more aggressive. But, in fact, this type of rough play teaches not aggression but self-control and limits. Fathers teach boys not to bite and kick in rough play. The children whose aggressive behavior is out of control are those without fathers at home; these kids are unpopular with peers because they respond in a truly aggressive manner when other boys try to initiate rough-and-tumble play. 

SHE SAID: ALETA KOMAN ON MEN AND PARENTING:

Koman's parenting pet peeves:

·       Men feel that women are overprotective and over-involved at times.
They feel women should be stronger disciplinarians and not coddle kids so much.

·       Men feel that women nag, and complain that they don't listen and don't get it, and that they totally check out when it comes to the chores of everyday parenting. In response to that they want women to lighten up and not be so perfectionistic. They also would like them to be more accepting and more supportive of their fathering style, less controlling and less critical.

·       Men tend to be too permissive or over-authoritative, and too strict.  Men feel that women are more uptight and less playful. The believe women are more concerned with the daily activities of parenting and not as tuned into the moment.

·       Women resent both working outside the home and still having the full responsibility for planning, scheduling, and doing everything for their child's daily care. Women are much better at multi-tasking and men seem to get over-involved with one activity to the exclusion of feeding, clothing, and picking up after the kids. Women tend to be more authoritative (flexible) in parenting style and more emotionally responsive. Men seem to be more playful and less tuned in. They tend to be polarized in their parenting style — either permissive or authoritarian. Women want men to be mature adults and an equal co-parent that they can count on not just a playmate for their child.

Differences in parenting: Despite a huge variety of human beings, there are four fundamental parenting styles: flexible, inflexible, permissive and disengaged. Any parent may manifest a combination of these styles; however one style may predominate. Stereotypically, women are more permissive and authoritative, while men are more authoritarian.

Communication between spouses: Most marital problems stem directly or indirectly from difficulties in communication. This issue is immediately a big and complex task. Some loving couples struggle with it, and despite their best intentions, fail. Underlying many marital anxieties and tensions is one or both spouses believe they aren't getting enough time or attention from the other.

A better way to work communication between spouses:

·       Identify your anger and frustrations.

·       Learn to fight fairly.

·       Choose your battles carefully.

·       Tackle problems promptly.

·       Model healthy relationships.

Dos and don'ts of communication with your spouse:

·       Do level with your spouse in a calm cool manner.

·       Don't try to communicate when you're tired, stressed.

·       Do find a quiet peaceful moment to talk.

·       Don't use unfair fighting tactics such as accusing, blaming, etc.

·       Do stick to core problems.

·       Do focus on issues, not on who's at fault.

·       Don't try to accept all the blame.

·       Do empathize with your partner's feelings of anger and resentment.

·       Do look at both sides of the issues you're facing.

Parenting as partners:

·       Parents have to stay tuned into each other and have open communication.

·       Parenting conflict stresses the kids.

·       Parental conflict stresses your marriage.

·       Children lean to manipulate parents. If parents don't side together the kids will definitely figure out how to play one parent over the next. It's the classic kids, "Daddy said I could do this," line.

How to resolve parental conflict? Identify common ground and obvious differences:

·       What does family mean to you?

·       How can you find time for each child?

·       What are your beliefs about discipline?

·       What about a child's social life?

·       Education?

·       What lifestyle do you feel is healthy for nurturing a family?

·       What would you like to achieve as a family?